Well as usual

I suck at keeping this going, but that's just me. I meant to come here the other day and talk about Ian Somerhalder. No I don't know him personally, though that would be nice, and no I haven't met him or anything like that. I was just bored at work one day and was working on my story that I have been writing and I needed to see a picture of his eyes. His gorgeous crystal blue eyes. It is the colour I have chosen to use as my main male characters eyes. Needless to say I got caught up in staring at him for a while. How can one not? I know, right! Along with noticing his memorizing eyes I noticed how he changed the feel, the mood of the picture with just a slight change of his eyes, smirk or even how the lighting was done. And no I am not a fool, I know that is how it's done. But it's in the moment that my dream of being an actress would never happen. I could never let myself be that open. For people to see me. Once again I know people don't actually feel those emotions at that particular moment. Its more about being able to perform at the drop of an hat and feel secure in that moment. That is what I don't have. I am working on it and hope to have it some day. For right now I am will stick with my babbling and writing my stories. There I can use a characters to express my soul /feelings/ dreams/ desires without the scary feeling of judgement. As you sit back and wonder why did this chick even write this? My purpose wasn't to state my inadequate ability to be an actress. It's about a moment in time when something is brought to light. It took me at the moment of staring at Ian Somerhalder's pictures to realize that I am that scared to express myself so freely, behind words without people seeing me.